Triumph vs. Star Wars Fans

My brother just sent me a link to a hilarious bit with Triumph the Insult Comedy Dog. This was back during the time that the second Star Wars prequel was to come out, "Attack of the Clones" and he basically stood outside a theater and ripped on various fans for ten minutes. Fantastic stuff.

Be sure to stay with it to meet Blackwolf the wizard, an uber nerd from another dimension. He's a super nerd that was built using parts from lesser nerds.

Triumph The Insult Comic Dog - Star Wars
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Bill Shatner Decodes Sarah Palin

I've always like Conan O'Brien and was quite pleased to see him take over the Tonight Show from the terribly unfunny Jay Jeno.

I am a bit worried that Conan's face looks more and more like a dimestore mannequin, where the rough edges are just a bit too creepily smooth. But he is a funny guy, I still laugh at the ridiculous Swedish Bud commercial. "Vroom, Vroom. Partystarter."

So here was a good bit in hopefully a line of many as William Shatner singer and entertainer extraordinaire tries to decode the sloppy mess that was Sarah Palin's exit speech.

I haven't gotten to wax political in a while. I guess the Summer just has me thinking about things that are more enjoyable I suppose. Anyway I don't have much on this topic other than she sounds like a rambling nincompoop. Palin 2012? You betcha.

Remember the Name

Whew. Great weekend and I finally feel recovered. It's true you can't go home again, so to speak but you can try.



Ravens Training Camp began today and I get chills watching this video.

Jergs Playlist - Summer Party Edition

The end of July is almost here and that's means thinking that I have just one month left before returning to work to enrich young minds.

But enough of that, the end of July also means revisiting a time honored Baltimore tradition.

The Crab Feast!

The date gets misplaced in time but I think it was the July before I started college that my good friend Todd decided to throw a birthday party for himself (that alone would deserve being made fun of) and invited about 10 friends out on his parents' back deck to eat a bushel and down a few cold ones.

That tradition (Now in its 19th edition) has been almost like clockwork each year marking what I consider the midpoint of the Summer Season. It's changed venues three times I think and a lot has changed. The guest list is much bigger due to more friends, wives, and kids (lots of kids!) And it's amazing to me that I found such a great group of friends to share all the life's biggest milestones.

One of my jobs has also been supplying the music. Todd's a great friend but if I didn't bring anything we'd be listening to the Go-Go's and Wilson Phillips for 9 hours. He likes music just not buying it. So, with the digital revolution here it makes my job that much easier.

Music helps define certain times in our lives and I have plenty of great stories to share with these guys so keep that mind as I unveil only 5 of my top choices of a huge party playlist.


1- Used To Love Her - Guns 'N Roses

Taken from G N R's second album, this was staple at Senior Week 1990. The lyrics are quite simple, "I used to love her, but I had to kill her". I had heard that the song was about Slash's dog but its more fun to think that some girl pissed Axl off just a little too much and paid for it. Remember I was a stupid teenager at the time I sang this and it felt applicable at the time.

2- I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) - Pitbull

Back in the day (I try not to use that term much) I was always willing to head out to a club to dance and even try and find a partner. In fact it was clear that out of my group I could actually dance. The trick I told them was to just not care. This sounds like a song to turn it out to. The mix of English and Spanish is cool and the beat bumps.

3- The Love You Save - Jackson 5

With the recent events of Michael Jackson's death it only makes sense to put one of his songs on the mix. My favorite of course is the early stuff and this goes neck and neck with ABC. Great hooks and some fantastic lyrics. Mike references Ben Franklin, Christopher Columbus, and Alexander Graham Bell. Try not to tap your foot to it.

4- Jump Around - House of Pain

Has there been a better lyric than "I'll serve your ass like John McEnroe
If your girl steps up, I'm smacking the hoe". Probably.
But this was played non-stop during any college tour of the bars in the nineties. It was also easy to dance to, especially for basketball players.

5- I Like to Move It - Reel 2 Real

Sure my son knows this due to King Julien's dance number in Madagascar but this was the song that makes me think of my Europe trip with Todd and Jake in 1995. It was played everywhere we went, along with every Michael Jackson song known to man. "MICHAEL JACKSON MEEEEX!"

That's only a sample. I have more more to do so I best take advantage of a quiet house.

One Hit Wonders - 80's Version

Goofing about on the internet today and I stumbled across something on You Tube. (I guess a lot of statements could start that way.)

I was looking for yet another cheesy 80's video to post on Facebook to pass the time while I watched the girls. Connor was out with Grandmom to the Science Center and Nicki had gone shopping for the day.

I think that's why I've been so active on that contraption since the girls were born there are so many little time wasters that help blow a perfectly good day.

But, anyway I've been sidetracked. I started checking some of the one hit wonders of the 80's and if you know anything about that glam, fem-rock known as 80's pop you realize that it can be pretty hilarious. I have a love-hate type relationship. MTV boomed during my formative years and most of the videos of these awful songs are either intentionally or unintentionally funny.

At any rate, here are just a few of the gems that I unearthed.

JUST GOT LUCKY - JOBOXERS

This jaunty little tune has been featured recently in two films most notably the 40 Year Old Virgin. This Brit-Amero Pop group reminds me of the same style as The Jam and other New Wavers of the brand. You can't help but bounce along to the tune and snap your fingers.



WE DON'T HAVE TO TAKE OUR CLOTHES OFF - JERMAINE STEWART

Another song that found a home in Kevin Smith's Zack and Miri opus about porno. Jermaine would like to have his brain stimulated by such noble pursuits as Dancing and sipping Cherry Wine, then maybe take you in the back for some sensual activities. His fashion sense is unquestioned as the white hat, leather gloves double play always pleases.



FANTASY - ALDO NOVA

How can you not include some form of Hair band in this sampling? A regular on the Headbangers Ball, this Canadian band proved that you don't have to be Rush in order to rock. Any man who dares to wear a leopard print leisure spandex jumpsuit needs armed protection.



BOOM BOOM BOOM (LET'S GO BACK TO MY ROOM)- PAUL LEKAKIS

(Boom boom boom / Let's go back to my room / Where we can do it all night / And you can make me feel right) Need I say more. The only thing about these intentions that I question is which gender Mr. Lekakis prefers. He doesn't seem to be picky.



FAR FROM OVER - FRANK STALLONE

Sly's brother gets made fun of enough so I'll go easy on him. Maybe I'll mock John Travolta for his leotard and headband instead. The video is classic, just Frank and lots of smoke. Why only one-hit because it rocked so hard.

The Senator Will Still Live

Baltimore City retained the historic Senator Theatre Wednesday after a brief but highly contentious public auction in which two bids were submitted.

Bidding on the ailing theater opened at $750,000, and a bid was submitted by proxy for $800,000. After some discussion, the city, which has owned the mortgage of the financially struggling theater since May, bid $810,000. There were no further bids.

James "Buzz" Cusack, who has operated the Charles movie theater for the past 16 years, was rumored as a possible bidder but remained silent during the auction. Loyola College had said earlier in the week that it may bid as well.

"You have to make money," Cusack said. "It's very difficult to operate a single-screen theater. It would have to be a real deal."

The Senator is my favorite place to watch a movie. The crowd is filled with people who actually want to watch the film and understand that yelling at the screen or talking on a cell phone is poor form.

Since I went grew up only 10 minutes away from the place and went to college at TSU I have many fond memories of the last true movie house in Maryland. From seeing Krull for a Third grade birthday party to watching the Star Wars re-issues during college to renting out the balcony for Pirates of the Caribbean to celebrate my Master's Degree.

Unfortunately I don't know nearly as much as I should about why the theater had money issues for so long. The simple answer is that in today's age a single screen theater can't make enough money. But from what I hear from other people Tom Keifaber the last owner didn't exactly do many of the things that he needed to to keep his product viable.

But at the very least since the city bought it maybe that means that in will live on in some form or another. Maybe just to show classic movies or to help facilitate film festivals or even as a teaching facility. As long as it is still here I'm happy.

 

New Brew Review: Rogue American Amber

“Beer if drunk with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health.”

- Thomas Jefferson

The Left Coast has some fabulous offerings in for the summer and Rogue brewery out of Oregon does some unique stuff. I actually tried a Brown Nugget Nectar on the Fourth that was phenomenal.

A- reddish burnt orange with sweet head at the top with some golden highlights at the bottom of the glass. I like the hazy appearance. big foamy wrinkled biscuit dough head. As always with these guys, the foam has remarkable retention and lace.

S- Smells like free range coastal waters! Unmistakable cascade aroma, fresh and citrusy, orange, grapefruit, banana, pine, and a generous amount of toasty and caramelized grains. great balance between hops and malt sweetness. chocolate and cedar undertones. Nose is working overtime.

T- Hop explosion. A bitterness that is put in check about half way through. Toasty and caramelized without much sweetness, this leans on the dry side but with plenty of fresh grain flavor.

MF- Medium carbonation, and you can chewy away at the sweet flavor.

D- Very nice. I had no trouble finishing off the six I purchased.

A-

The Sentimentalist

Finally a crime drama about a quirky detective.

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Lazy Carl

One of my favorite shows of the 90's was the short lived sketch comedy show THE STATE which is being released in DVD this week. Most of the stars you'll find in shows like Reno 911 and various movies.

This sketch was one of me and my brother's favorites. If Carl would just do his job there would be no problem.

Sashay Shante

The third film of Sacha Baron Cohen's trio of misfits from his "Da Ali G Show" has finally hit the big screen.

Bruno (2009) is a gay Austrian fashionista who is the host of his own show who is through a series of unfortunate events is blacklisted. He then makes it his goal to become famous which takes him from L.A. to Middle Earth (That's the Middle East) in search of fame.

If you ever seen his TV show or watched Borat then you know the drill. Bruno will attempt to make as many people uncomfortable as possible. Some of it will be cheap tricks like dressing in mesh t-shirts or wearing anatomically correct pajamas. Others will go deeper to expose prejudices of those not sophisticated enough to get the joke. Stage Mothers and Redneck Southerners are easy targets here.

But to say that this movie is sophisticated may be reading into it or giving it too much credit. To simply watch it and be shocked, appalled, disgusted, and to laugh out loud is what it tries to do and it scores many, many times. It's great to try and figure out what bits are staged and which are not and that just shows you how committed Cohen is to make a joke. His conversation with a Terrorist was frightening but the uneasy moments of he and his three hunting companions under the stars as he recounts all the hot guys he knows is gut-busting. You have a feeling if there was no camera poor Bruno would end up the victim of Southern justice.

I could recount all the set-ups but I don't want to totally ruin it. It's one of those rare comedies like The Hangover that doesn't give away all its good stuff during the previews. There wasn't a boring minute in this film and you can't say that about many movies.

The real sad thing is that Bruno will be retired and Cohen will be out of characters. Unless he does an Ali G movie the right way (non-conventional) otherwise it will be interesting to see what roles Mr. Cohen will attempt in the future.

(8.0)

Ticking Clock

Every Summer when I seem to have so much extra time I try as best I can to not only catch up on movies but older films that are considered classics that I may have missed.

I'm still not really sure where A Clockwork Orange (1971) fits.

I'm still amazed that I'd never seen this one before especially since the content is so controversial I would have though this would have bee ripe for a viewing in high school around the same time I discovered Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

The anti-hero of our story and humble narrator is Alex played chilling well by Malcom McDowell. It is the future in Britain and Alex is a sadistic kid who enjoys robbing, fighting and raping with a gang of three other miscreants. He eventually add murder to list of deeds and he is sent to jail and then endures the a strange torture technique so that his compulsions for violence and sex are wiped away.

The test is a success and he becomes ill when those feeling arise in him. But as he returns to the normal world all those people he has wronged have done all they can to make him feel pain as well.

I was left so confused and disoriented by this movie. Not just because the images are quite shocking and sick but I have no idea what message was being conveyed. Why is Alex the way he is and does it matter? Is it society's fault for dealing with him the way they do? Shouldn't all those people he hurt be able to get their revenge?

I have no idea and a day after I stopped watching I really stopped caring. Stanley Kubrick has brought many interesting movies to the screen, Full Metal Jacket comes to mind, while others were just odd for the sake of being so, Eyes Wide Shut. I think Clockwork falls somewhere in between those.

(6.0)

Toon Time

Having a four year old boy in this house usually means that every day is a new adventure with all kinds of new experiences. But lately since Connor enjoys "shows" and "movies" on the big screen he somehow has come across a piece of history.

Boomerang is a cable channel that basically shows old cartoons from the Hanna-Barbera studios and when you start watching you forget just how many they produced. Some of course are still popular today like The Flinstones or Scooby Doo (Connor's new favorite) but there are plenty that they show that I even forget about or somehow remember seeing in a brief glimpse of my fading memory. It is fun to expose him to the old Saturday morning cartoons though since it seems to have disappeared these days.

Saturday mornings were a cherished ritual for me when I was young; a bowl of Fruit Loops and a few hours of animated heroes.

But I thought it would be fun to share a few cartoons that most of you don't remember and some that only lasted a very short while.

PIXIE AND DIXIE AND MR. JINKS (1958) : Your typical cat and mouse cartoon but not nearly as violent as Tom and Jerry. Jinksy's catchphrase, " I hate those meeces to pieces!" has already creeped into my son's vocabulary.




MAGILLA GORILLA (1963) : The lisping gorilla in hat and suspenders can't get sold from Peebles pet shop unless a team needs a new mascot or he used for a bank robbery. The last one we saw had him somehow joining the French Foreign Legion. It's a cartoon, it doesn't have to make sense.



THE IMPOSSIBLES (1966): By day they were a 60's pop trio and by mid-day they were Coil Man, Fluid Man, and Multi-Man. Basically a rip-off of the Monkees but the villains they faced were equally outrageous. My favorities being The Bubbler (using bubbles for nefarious means) and Fero the Fiendish Fiddler (At least they are creative with their evil objects.)



THE BANANA SPLITS ADVENTURE HOUR (1968): The intro song is one catchy tune. The first one that blends live action with shorts in between as well as colors and swirls in a rainbow of hippie daze. The hosts of the show were Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper and Snorky (a dog, gorilla, lion, and elephant)and they played in a rock band. Makes perfect sense. Even better were the cartoons like THE ARABIAN NIGHTS and live action mystery DANGER ISLAND (Uh-Oh Here Comes Chongo!)



SPEED BUGGY (1973): Three young adults and their car traveled from race to race, often encountering spy capers and mysteries along the way.(Always with the mysteries) Speed Buggy's trademark quotes were always "Roger-Dodger!" and "Vroom-a-zoom-zoom!" while coughing on car exhaust. The driver Tinker was yet another character based off of Shaggy's drawings.



THE ROBONIC STOOGES (1978): How do you re-invent a classic trio for a hip 70's audience? You make them clumsy bionic robots who are given assignment from Agent 000.

Ghost Tales

CNN is the supposed world leader in cable news.

If that is the case then I'm unsure why they continue to manufacture news stories and then report about them with all the seriousness of a general election.

Case in point. Last week bumbling news icon, Larry King was interviewing Jermaine Jackson and taking a tour of Neverland Ranch. When suddenly a shadow passed across the end of a hall. The video quickly morphed into a "Michael Jackson's ghost" clip that spread across You Tube and CNN's website like wildfire.

There is just something that bugs me when a "credible" source like CNN resorts to sensationalism. I know it isn't the first time nor will it be the last that this happens.

But watching the video made me laugh out loud. First Larry King is involved. Mr. King may be the worst interviewer ever, he admittedly never prepares for his show and as you can imagine that leads to softball questions (his interview of the late Marlon Brando included such tough questions like "Marlon, why are you so good?") and mispronunciations galore. He looks like Gollum with suspenders.

Second the producer in the video clip that I'll show discussing the controversy is unintentionally hilarious. His earnest description of the video of Jackson's ghost turns out to be a staffer walking across a bright light. Really? I actually thought Thriller had risen from the grave in search of fresh brains. His seriousness that this is actual news is what is more disturbing.

Finally for some real comic relief wait until the end of the clip as Larry wants reaction from the tour guide "Miko". He looks up with his bloodshot eyes and says "It would have been great if it was him".

This is CNN.

Not the Norm

I was shocked and excited to see that the local Target had all the seasons of Saturday Night Live on sale for 19.99 which is an incredible price compared to the norm. They are only just creeping into the 80's but I can't wait until they hit the 90's, which is my college years.

Anyhow this clip reminds me how much I miss Chris Farley. Funny fat guy who could just put on glasses and make you fall out of your chair laughing.

Another Top Ten except Gayer

Busy weekend with a tremendously sunny day at the Orioles game with my parents and Connor. It was his second game and I'm trying to figure out if his highlight was eating 2 buckets (kids sized) of popcorn or shaking hands with the Oriole Bird. Either way he had a great time, because he told me so and four year olds really do have a mind of their own.

Speaking of independent thinkers, Bruno came out this week and if you are unfamiliar with the concept its the daredevil of comedy Sacha Baron Cohen dressed in mesh shirts making all the hetero world uncomfortable. I think I'll try and take it in later this week if possible.

But you always need some PR, so why not go to David Letterman's show?

Big Buddies

I used to love ESPN. Please note the "Used to" in that phrase. I haven't the energy to get into why at this time. Perfect fodder for a future post.

But they used to do some great commercials and here is my favorite.

Hug and Hold

MMA or Mixed Martial Arts for those not in the know is incredibly popular these days and why not.

Boxing doesn't have the star power it used to. Pro Wrestling has become a "sport" of two men dressed in wifebeater shirts hitting each other with folding chairs and light tubes. People want to see real action and real characters.

Witness one, Quentin "Rampage" Jackson deliver an interview with an unknown petite attractive young girl. It takes an odd turn about thirty seconds in as apparently dry humping in public is popular with the kids these days.

I'm unsure if the young lady is a pro for trying to continue the interview while Rampage thrusts away or if she was just looking for a date.

You'll either laugh out loud or be repulsed by Jackson's line, " Am I in?" at about :37.

Kudos Rampage, You've developed a new submission hold.

Talk Like A Politician

Just because you get infuriated with the scandals of our nation's public servants doesn't mean you can't talk like them.

Yes, there oughta be a word. And in fact there are many.

Wicked Hangover

Who doesn't love a good comedy? Something that not only makes you laugh but has you quoting lines for the next several years. Well, at least I do and I can think of movies like Old School, Big Lebowski and Anchorman that fit the bill. But its always exciting to see new movies fit the criteria so smoothly.

The Hangover(2009) has a very simple premise, four guys head to Vegas a few days before one is getting married. Right away we learn that the groom is missing only five hours before the wedding is set to begin. After a few quick cuts we see how they all go into Sin City and then a quick flash and it's the morning after as they lie amidst the wreckage of a night they just can't remember. So the movie is them trying to piece all the clues together and to find the groom in time.

The group has a good dynamic, the groom (Justin Bartha) who is actually the most uninteresting of the group, is off screen most of the film. While Phil Wenneck (Bradley Cooper) plays the resident slickster who actually is married. I can't figure out if he's a true cheater or not he just has that sleaze look about him. The last two are the best as Ed Helms, who is basically playing Andy Bernard from The Office, is the guy with a bitch girlfriend who he is actually thinking about proposing too. And Zach Galifianakis is Alan who is just plain weird.

I don't want to give away anything here but as you have some situations that deal with a Stripper (Heather Graham), the sissy boy Mr. Chow (Dr. Ken), Cops who love tasers, and a Tiger. The screenplay did a nice job getting them in and out of trouble and there are plenty of lines to make you laugh. (Tigers loves pepper, they hate cinnamon)

Just make sure you stay to watch the end credits, you see all the pictures that help fill in the blanks. A sequel is already planned.

(9.0)

Crypts

Obsessing over celebrities is a pastime that most Americans seem to enjoy.

Unfortunately with the number of celebrity deaths that have occurred over the past weeks its allowed fans to grieve to level as if they actually knew the person. Something I've had a hard time understanding. But then that means that the media must find new and creative ways to present fans with the information they crave.

Like, showing off an empty Neverland ranch for example.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Rippy Awards - Celebrity Crypts
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Air McNair

I'm still shocked over the recent news about the death of former Ravens QB, Steve McNair. The details are coming out and it appears that he was having a relationship with the young lady who was found next to him and it could have been a murder-suicide situation. Problem is he was still married and has four kids.

Just really sad stuff. He always seemed like a hard worker and a stand up guy on the field but it seems like there was more than meets the eye off it.

Pint Sized History: American Revolution

Being a historian I love getting opposing viewpoints to the same story. So in honor of our country's birth listen to the UK version on Pint sized history.

Ten Glorious Years

Today is the celebration of my tenth wedding anniversary and it seems like only yesterday that I was getting dressed up on that unbearably HOT July day to exchange vows with my beloved.

Since that time we have lived in three houses, owned four cars, I worked at three schools while Nicki worked at two and then opened her own, we bought a dog and three fish (only Mr. Pierogi remains swimming), and through a tremendous amount of love, pain and persistence have three beautiful children.

So what's next?

I don't know but I'll just enjoy the ride.

Happy Anniversary Nicki! Love you to the moon and back.

Mummies Don't Have to Be From Egypt

The Mummy often stirs up thoughts of pyramids and desert sands and it made perfect sense for Universal to try an update its classic movie monsters. I actually enjoyed the first two Mummy movies even though old Indian Jones wannabe, Rick O'Connell (Brendan Frasier) was at the helm of this adventure.

The movies were strictly summer popcorn fare with some great special effects and panoramic scenes and we also got a great ride out of the deal. Revenge of the Mummy is a fantastic coaster at Universal in Orlando and I highly recommend it.

So I was ready to turn my brain off and just enjoy the explosions as this time the setting shifts to China, which is a great idea to breathe some new life into the series. Unfortunately, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008) falls short in so many areas.

The acting was fair to bad with Fraser actually the best of the bunch. Rachel Weisz is missed as his now wife and Maria Bello is downright awful and has zero chemistry with Fraser. Luke Ford who plays their 21 year old son is even worse as he is constantly trying to prove to his parents that he's capable.

Jet Li isn't bad as the Chinese emperor but then again all he has to do is scowl and throw a kick or two. The CGI has some good stuff but just be prepared that there are Yetis in this movie and they understand humans.

Another issue with the movie wasn't just the plot but the editing in the last half hour just seemed to jump from scene to scene with no real logical flow.

If you were a fan of this type of movie and just want to see some cool effects then give it a rent, otherwise stay away.

(5.0)

Mike vs. Mike

Does this picture really need much of a caption?